1. I thought I wanted a career, turns out, I just wanted a paycheck.
2. I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy saving mode.
3. I'm not clumsy, I'm just coordinating my actions with gravity.
4. Marriage is like a workshop, the husband works and the wife shops.
5. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
6. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
7. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
8. I'm on a whiskey diet, I've lost three days already.
9. The future is uncertain, but I can always rely on my bad luck.
10. My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.
11. I don't need anger management, I just need people to stop annoying me.
12. I'm not a doctor, but I can give you a placebo if it will make you feel better.
13. Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that's pretty much the same thing.
14. I'm not addicted to chocolate, we just have a mutually beneficial relationship.
15. Sorry, I can't go to work tomorrow because I just can't find the motivation to pretend to be busy.
16. My life is like a romantic comedy, minus the romance and just the comedy.
17. I'm not fat, I'm just easy to see.
18. If at first, you don't succeed, redefine success.
19. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.经典英语句子
20. I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective layer for my rock-hard abs.
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