在开始签名之前
Before I start signing these,
我要感谢一位今晚到场的嘉宾
I need to thank somebody who's here tonight.
当我拥有她时  这样说有点不恰当
When I had her That didn't sound right.
托斯卡尼艳阳下
我从来就没有拥有过她  我想拥有她  却未能如愿
I never had her. I wanted her, but never had her.
我想要说的是上她的课时
What I meant was when I took her class.
我患上了一种最可怕的病  能阻断我的作家梦
I had the worst case of writer's block in the world.
我满脑子都是些可怕的念头  我讨厌那些东西
All I had were terrible ideas. I hated them all.
我差点儿就休学了
I was just about to drop the class
当她对我说了些话  这些话改变了一切
when she said something to me that changed everything.
她说  可怕的念头就像是运动场上的替罪羊
She said, "Terrible ideas are like playground scapegoats.
如果有适当的鼓励  他们就会成为天才
Given the right encouragement, they grow up to be geniuses."
她让我选出其中的一个念头  并且围绕它继续写下去
She told me to take one, and work on it.
于是  我成功了
Well, I did.
弗朗西斯·梅丝  一个喜欢可怕念头的女人
Frances Mayes, who loves terrible ideas,
我现在可以跟你来一个法国式的热吻吗
may I please French kiss you now?
上啊  小伙子
Go for it, Willie boy!
对不起  威廉  我已经结婚了
Married, William. Sorry.
为我感到骄傲吗
Proud of me?
当然
Ridiculously.
弗朗西斯  这些做得太好吃了  你是怎样做的呢
Frances, these are amazing. What did you do?
巧克力的火候要掌握好
Chocolate is timing, my friend.
-剩下的就像变魔术一样  -教授
-The rest is magic. -Hey, Professor.
-葡萄酒在哪儿  -那边
-Where is the wine? -Over there.
汤姆真是一个幸运的家伙
Tom is one lucky bastard.
有一个会做核仁巧克力饼的作家老婆
A literary wife who makes brownies.
我发誓  如果你告诉我你在做饭时是一♥丝♥不♥挂♥的
I swear, if you tell me you cook in the nude,
我回到家就自杀
I'll go home and kill myself.
我决不会一♥丝♥不♥挂♥  我总是要系一条皮带的发誓的英文
Never in the nude. Always in a thong.
事实上  如果你了解弗朗西斯
Actually, if you knew Frances,
你就会知道说这些是没用的
you'd know these are avoidance.
谢谢
Thanks.
-小说写得怎样了  -不算好
-How's the novel going? -Not so well.
但是已经打不起精神继续了
But the procrastination is coming along fabulously.
很快的  那种可怜的自厌情绪也会产生
Soon it will breed abject self-Ioathing,
然后我就变成了一部写作机器
and then I'll just become a writing machine.
汤姆怎么样了  他的书写得还顺利吧
What about Tom? How's his book going?
挺顺利的  他现在正在家里写着
Fine. He's home writing right now.
你认识汤姆
You know Tom?
我们是前几天偶然认识的
I met him recently, sort of by coincidence.
还有一件偶然的事  就是你给我的一本书写了书评
The other coincidence is that you reviewed a book of mine.
我给你写书评  我喜欢那本书吗
I did? Did I like it?
你不喜欢
You didn't.
我很抱歉
Well, I'm sorry.
我相信有一大帮评论家喜欢那本书的
I'm sure there were a lot of other critics who loved it.
而我真心的希望你不要带入个人感情
And I really hope you didn't take it personally.
你称我的主角是  不切实际的
You called my lead character "unrealistic."
我认为那些糟糕的书评应该被忘掉
I think bad reviews should just be forgotten.
给他来块核仁巧克力饼
Give him a brownie.
我希望送给你这个能平息这场战争
I would like to give you this. It comes in peace.
你说你对于那种主角
You said you just couldn't get interested in a novel
整天沉浸在他青春期幻想的
where the protagonist was a guy
小说从来不感兴趣
who spent all of his time living out his horny teenage fantasies.
我从中看到的只有讽刺
I just find that ironic.
讽刺  为什么
Ironic. Why?
问你的丈夫去
Ask your husband.
他刚才说了什么
What did he just say?
弗朗西斯
Frances?
弗朗西斯
Frances?
我有一些不幸的消息要告诉你
I've got some unfortunate news for you.
我刚刚接到电♥话♥  是你丈夫的律师
I just got off the phone with your husband's attorney,
还是关于赡养费的事
and they're going to pursue alimony.
在我自己吃饭都困难的时候
How can we be talking about alimony
我们怎么能提起赡养费的事
when I hardly make enough money?
但是  在你们结婚期间一直是你负担一切
But you supported him during the marriage.
是的
Yes.
那是因为他当时正在写他的新书
But while he was researching and writing his book,